I'm almost 46

And have never been in a romantic relationship. Just too paralyzed with shyness. The crazy thing is I don't think this kind of situation is uncommon. It's just something people don't talk about. The stigma and judgment is too overwhelming.


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Never even one at ~46?

Mar 20, 2023 at 7:48pm

That's pretty amazing, and I don't mean that as a judgment. I'm in my mid-thirties and haven't ever been in a single one either at this point -- actually I've never even kissed or erotically cuddled a woman in my entire life, for that matter. That's been partly due to endless forced unethical psychiatric torture / forced-drugging that kept re-occurring largely due to the withdrawal effects of the drugs themselves combined with never receiving any or almost any true help to extricate myself from such an utterly violent system, plus the way my life was orchestrated and interacted with by various "in the know" matryoshka people throughout it.

In hindsight, I kind of appreciate that particular outcome, because in previous years (especially when I was a teenager or in my earlier twenties), I didn't even truly knew what I preferred in a romantic lover at those points. I actually value not having ever had sex with a woman at this point, and deeply, because I realize how messed up it would be to do that with the wrong person for my first time and beyond that, for multiple reasons having to do with procreation, social dynamics, Future outcomes (including centuries and millennia into the future), microbiome/virome/cellular/DNA/RNA interactions and expression states, and just the plain old Magic of one's first intense and full-blown sexual experience with another.

I know myself (and a bunch of other things to varying degrees) so much more clearly and thoroughly now, even if I still know practically nothing in this tortured amnesic state. Whatever my first true romantic, erotic union with another happens to be, one thing is certain at this point: it won't be the wrong person anymore. And right now, virtually everyone on the planet happens to be the wrong person, with a handful of exceptions, for whatever reasons.

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I'm almost 42

Mar 21, 2023 at 2:01am

And have never been in a romantic relationship. But it has nothing to do with shyness. In my particular situation, I genuinely have nothing to offer. I'm ugly, unintelligent, socially awkward and, a social outcast since kindergarten. I'm not fun to be around but I'm honest enough to admit that. You know how some people complain about getting "friendzoned?" Well, the opposite sex has never wanted anything to do with me, not even as a friend.
I agree that the phenomena of people never experiencing romantic relationships isn't uncommon anymore but for the most part, I don't think it has to do with shyness. There's been a huge cultural shift in which women, if they can't find their ideal partner, simply prefer to forego dating/relationships and remain happily single. The logical consequence of this is that a large cohort of men (who aren't tall, attractive doctors, lawyers or businessmen but still good potential partners nonetheless) will end up alone.
To be clear, I'm not blaming women for the lonely fate of these men; we live in a free society where adults can do as they please. I'm just describing how changing social norms have consequences for better or worse.
I agree that there is stigma and judgement in never having been in a romantic relationship, but I think it only applies to men. Women who are single are seen as strong and independent whereas men who aren't in relationships are seen as losers.
A long time ago, I made peace with the fact that I will never be in a relationship or fall in love. You just have to accept it without anger or bitterness as no one is to blame. It just is what it is: certain people are just destined to be alone. Yeah, it's kind of heartbreaking, but I think it's something more and more of us are going to have to accept as time goes on.

3 0Rating: +3

you need

Mar 21, 2023 at 7:50am

to get out more. Start with 2 beers and go from there.

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We humans are social creatures

Mar 21, 2023 at 11:06am

and we are supposed to live in extended families and villages. Something went wrong and we got divided and conquered. A big part of that is 'giving up' mentality. But help can be as close as simply 'never giving up.' The universe-given partner is out there for each of us. Get innovative, creative and bold, yet discerning for there are many fakes out there. Turn on your inner radar and your needs will be met.

3 1Rating: +2

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