A recent confession made me think of the strange meandering that dating has taken over the last few years. I have been on lot's of dates in the last year and they are very much different than they were the year before. Hell, the most common thing I've dealt with lately is a complete wholesome innocence from most people. Almost like people have had a complete reset of their lives and are dating/hanging out for the first time. People with kids are completely different as well. They're not clingy to their kids or their parenting lives like I have ever seen it. Maybe being cooped up for so long dramatically changed them, but I've gone on enough dates lately with parents who haven't even mentioned their kids. It's almost felt like they're kids, or teenagers or something getting their independence for the first time as well. Many of my dates have ended in friend zones, but not forced, much more organic. like "I'm your age, we get along, maybe this isn't romantic, but this is something I want to continue." I've even been set up on dates from dates. It's all f*cking weird, but also kind of amazing. Toxicity will return I'm sure, but whatever... this spring is lovely.

I confess that the biggest reason that I’ve lost respect for partners in my past is entirely due to courage. If they showed it, to be precise. So many of them believed that all they had to do was be physically strong or have money and that was enough to earn my respect. But all of them failed when it came to the courage it takes to be real. To be vulnerable and honest about your feelings and who you truly are. All the rest of it means nothing if you can’t do that. So I don’t care if you can lift the biggest log in the forest if you don’t have the courage to be real.

I keep hearing from politicians that there are no simple answers for the drug crisis. There is actually. It is actually something recovering addicts like myself have to face at the beginning of ones rehabilitation journey. Admitting "I" was wrong. "I" f*cked up. Until an advocate, expert, politician, policy maker or anyone takes any accountability for tripling our deaths since we bent the curve in 2019 it won't get better. 7500 deaths in 3 years and zero people are accountable for anything and zero people have come out said "I was wrong." Recovering addicts say it. People helping us never do.

This is making me really uncomfortable…my former spouse and I had a fairly amicable divorce, and both of us moved on with new partners. We share children and as a result we occasionally find ourselves in the same place during special celebrations for birthdays, etc. The thing is that I’ve caught them staring at me several times, almost oblivious to the fact that their new partner is right there and it’s in full view of everyone else. It’s almost like they don’t know they’re doing it or something, and they’ll stare for an extended period of time, like much longer than just a glance. There’s no real expression on their face, just this intense stare. It’s weird because we’ve been apart for about 10 years already and when we split up it was a mutual agreement. I feel like if I say something they’ll just deny it or I’ll be accused of imagining it (a lot of that behaviour during our marriage), but I know what I’ve seen and it’s really weirding me out. My own partner hasn’t mentioned anything so I don’t know if they just haven’t noticed, and I’m not going to say anything about it to them because I don’t want to start anything. I just don’t understand why they’re doing it.

That's terrifying all by itself. But the idea of actually making a phone call or walking into an office is a bridge too far.