Starring Toni Collette, Michael Sheen, and Jason Spevack. Rated PG.

Jesus H. Christ! Someone smite this kid so he’ll stop calling his mother “Patricia”! Ahem. Right. Honestly, that was a friendlier opener than the alternative, which had something to do with the acronym WTF?!

Jesus H. Christ! Jesus Henry Christ makes one worry that one can OD on quirkiness or maybe get a bad rash. Time to check into the Mayo Clinic—even if you are certified crazy for Wes Anderson. The terrible thing is that writer-director Dennis Lee is as well, and he’s tried to make his own oddball-genius, Wes-fest flick that makes you wish your own super-high IQ was super-low so you’d just stare at Jesus Henry Christ in a drooling stupor. Okay, some of us did that anyway.

Jesus H. Christ! How did Toni Collette and Michael Sheen land in this movie? Collette plays Patricia (noooo!), a feminist single mother who has Henry (Jason Spevack) via artificial insemination. But first we must watch Patricia’s childhood, which is meant to be quirkily funny but is a hideous tale of dead brothers and a mother who went up in flames. It’s macabre in a very wrong way.

Jesus H. Christ! It’s Look Who’s Talking! Henry talks at nine months, has a photographic memory, and is a little freak who calls his mother “Patricia”. When the little freak is 10, he’s expelled from school for heresy. Henry finds Prof. Slavkin O’Hara (Sheen), who is probably his biological father and who has created his own miserable freak child, Audrey (Samantha Weinstein), by writing a book about “making” Audrey gay. Everybody gets blood tests.

Jesus H. Christ! There’s a message! “We should all be the change we wish to see in this world.” How can we be the change if we just overdosed on the quirky? And the unfunny. As this reviewer’s favourite Straight music writer says: “Christ on a bike!”

Watch the trailer for Jesus Henry Christ.