Lovenasium (Independent)

The horrible truth? These guys play better than Blowfly's current band. That's as much praise as Whistler's Slow Nerve Action is likely to get-from me, anyway-over this dreary exercise in something called porn funk. The thing clocks in at one hour and 10 minutes and Slow Nerve Action recommends you get your freak on for the duration, with the occasional beer break when the heat is too much to bear. One hour and 10 minutes, boys? She'd be so lucky. This sounds like the work of premature ejaculators if I ever heard it. If it was released on 12-inch vinyl then Slow Nerve Action would have one half-decent joke under its belt at least, but no-instead we get cuts like "Milkma'am Dan", the tale of a transsexual milkman which, ahem, milks its subject matter for every smutty angle imaginable to zero effect. Hence a torrent of lame jokes about strong bones, big jugs, and "skim milk, 2%, or homo". Eventually Slow Nerve Action gives up any kind of subtlety at all, and concludes, "you've got a lovely vagina and balls." Seriously, this seems to have been produced by people whose seduction techniques might include taking in a Jerry Lewis retrospective while wearing a Porn Star Stunt Double T-shirt and packing a dildo-shaped bong. Har har. Notwithstanding that genital warts have more immediate sex appeal than an hour of this smirking frat-boy yukfest, the band does at least know how to play its instruments, but seemingly fails to comprehend why somebody like Leonard Cohen will always get way more quality ass.