Take A Hint

posted August 28th, 2015 at 3:47 PM

I was at the BC Cancer Agency today for an appointment with my oncologist. While in the waiting room, there was a very loud, irritating woman who wouldn't shut the hell up. She said things like "Oncologists don't get too familiar with their patients, cuz they know they won't be around for long." I asked her to please shut up. She wouldn't. She then said "I'm American," to explain her crassness. I said that's not possible, because I like Americans. When I was called in to see my oncologist, I loudly said "Thank God." After my appointment, I was in the hallway , standing alone, waiting for elevator. Guess who came up to me, invading my personal space? *American*. She said she was so sorry that she offended me and I told her in a very unconvincing but final tone, to forget it. She then followed me into a crowded elevator and proceeded to hug me. She knowcked my baseball cap off my head. First - do not fucking touch me without my permission. Second, I have cancer you dipshit, my immunity isn't great to say the least. I do not take kindly to weird strangers, or any strangers hugging me when I have shown nothing but dislike towards them. I also get sick at the drop of a hat, so again - don't fucking touch me. I hope you read this and I hope you learn from it. If you ever try to touch me again, I will defend myself.

4 Comments

I didn't know to up this or neg it

Aug 28, 2015 at 4:51pm

So I did neither. I get it, you're sick and your immunity is low so yes, that would be VERY frustrating to have a person invade your personal space which unfortunately, can be a costly mistake.

But....

Did the thought ever occur to you that maybe this was her way of expressing her hurt and pain as well? She's sick too, possibly even more sick than you and MAYBE random outbursts expressing her frustrations with her doctor/deteriorating health are the only ways she knows how to do so. Plus, she tried to express her regret after. I'm sure we've all had those moments of sticking our foot in our mouths and having a realization of regret after. Not justifying her actions, but maybe take a second to try understanding her motives.

I hope you get better.

Bruce

Aug 28, 2015 at 5:55pm

"If you ever try to touch me again, I will defend myself."

Now, THAT's American.

But the whole cancer and treatment package is scary and difficult. Try to be understanding, she's probably as scared and angry as you are.

Regardless of what she is going thru...

Aug 29, 2015 at 3:57am

...your space is your space and she should have asked if she could hug you. She violated your personal boundaries.

Sometimes you gotta let assholes be assholes and keep fighting the good fight of gently reminding people of their manners.

Chances are she didn't mean harm, but you have the right to uncomfortable. Just don't dwell on it too long. If anything, credit yourself with maybe being the person who shifted her perspective and changed her life for the better.

Thanks, "regardless..."

Aug 30, 2015 at 10:01am

It's my right to dislike a person. They need to respect that not everyone is going to like them and let it go. Not everyone likes me and I'm o.k. with that. I can't imagine going up to a person who has shown me they do not like me and put my arms around them. If I did that, I'd expect them to push me away or worse. I have cancer. I'm scared. I don't want or need to like somebody. I have the right to sit quietly before my oncology appointment and prepare myself mentally for it. To me, that means I want quiet. At the very least, I don't want to be drawn into someone else's conversation or forced to listen to some loudmouth. I spend lots of time in clinics and hospitals. There are signs posted on everything saying things like "4,962 people have touched this before you. Please sanitize your hands" or some such schtick. Those signs are there for a reason. When you are ill and you immune system is weak, those signs take on a whole new meaning. That woman's insecurities and need to be liked are not remotely my problem. Guess what? I don't need to try to "be understanding." I have my own shitstorm to get through.