But I hate to admit I feel like I downgraded

posted January 31st, 2020 at 12:26 PM

He and I had chemistry everyone could see, he was the first time I experienced a good man, he was what I was looking for all these years. He was my best friend, made me feel wanted, shared my uncommon values and opinions, had a good job, there were so many things that couldn't be coincidence and was what soulmates were made of. I still wonder if it was one side though cause in the end he chose someone else, he was a coward and treated me poorly, and just kept saying sorry without actions to back it up. I still think he's an good man and wish we could be friends again but he does not, maybe I should think worse of him. This new guy is still new. He's not ready for marriage (which I want), only does odd jobs (for good reason), and I don't know how he fights yet. But he's honest and open, positive yet empathetic, has similar values, and has proven an ability of self-growth. We have chemistry but not as much, but I'm lighter and happier with him -- THIS, so much healthier than previously where we were happy because we wallowed together. But I'm concerned neither of us have reliably income or mental health, I don't (think) I judge him for that, but practically, who will take charge when I cannot? I've come a long way to rebuild a life, an additional person needs to be steady rather than add to my storm. Should I go all in or back off before it ends in tears again.

15 Comments

You have to decide

Jan 31, 2020 at 1:23pm

The fact that he is new and already showing you he's in a place where he can grow. Well if the last guy was such stay still I'd say you have answer right! Especially if he went to someone else and left you behind. |I do not know you'll figure it out.

Don’t go back

Jan 31, 2020 at 1:49pm

Chemistry is great, no doubt. I totally get that. But being with someone just because of the chemistry, when there are too many other issues to make a good relationship won’t ever work. Trust me when I say I have direct experience with this. If you feel lighter and happier with this new guy, I say give it your best shot.

Chase....

Jan 31, 2020 at 2:08pm

the money....it'll see to your needs.

Stability is not certain either

Jan 31, 2020 at 2:13pm

At first I thought you were chosing between them but reading carefully I think you and I both know the first guy is over. The new guy is not going to replace him. I think you know that too. Take a risk, but it's not all or nothing, just see how it goes.

Sounds good to me

Jan 31, 2020 at 2:35pm

He's new, but he sounds like someone that can adapt to whatever the situation calls for, and he's not going to trade you off for someone else.

You were the downgrade

Jan 31, 2020 at 2:46pm

Do you enjoy feeling like the downgrade after that last guy upgraded on you? You shouldn't feel that way about people that treat you right. People aren't commodity items to be upgraded or downgraded. Beautiful souls and hearts need to be protected and cherished.

Anonymous

Jan 31, 2020 at 2:47pm

you're a mess and now are projecting on the new guy

Hey another thing.

Jan 31, 2020 at 5:29pm

Besides staying the course I think one of these comments was right also. In the words about new guy not being right, have fun do whatever. Just do not start planning your future, it will likely be a nightmare. I hope I am wrong but probably not.

Hmmm..

Jan 31, 2020 at 11:59pm

Did you say you both have poor mental health?
Maybe take a breather and work on that for awhile outside a relationship. Maybe a more reliable income will become a possibility as well.