I feel frustrated

Just a text. One line at least telling me to have a good day or asking how I'm doing. Nothing. Is he busy? Nope. He's doing some reading, playing a video game, talking to family. Good for him. Sending a text takes less than a minute. Can he spare the time? Nope. Wow. I check-in. Hey, hope you're doing okay. I facepalm myself. What am I doing? This douchecanoe is making it painfully clear that on his ginormous list of very pressing priorities of like: picking the lint out from between his toes, watching the sway of cobwebs on his bedroom ceiling, contemplating how many squares of toilet paper it really takes to wipe... I don't even make the list. I'm busy with work, family, life, staying sane amidst all this. Yet nothing causes me to feel more perplexed than this persons behavior. Why is that? How am I finding it so hard to kick this guano scum sucking man child to the curb? Maybe because I am desperate to invest in anyone other than myself? Is that why?

13 Comments

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What else is there?

Mar 29, 2020 at 1:09am

Instrumental relationships are the norm here.
People are only as interested as their options allow.
So, yours are pretty bleak, then...

12 6Rating: +6

Uh oh

Mar 29, 2020 at 4:54am

I’m sure that you already know the answer but just in case you don’t; this guy doesn’t feel about you the same way you feel about him. What you’re describing sounds very much like you’re in a relationship where it’s one-sided. Anyone who makes you feel so unwanted and unloved is someone you need to get away from. Read up on trauma bonding and narcissism and you may find your answer.

27 7Rating: +20

Try a phone call

Mar 29, 2020 at 7:03am

Texts suck

Delete his number

Mar 29, 2020 at 10:42am

Focus on yourself and learning why you desire attention from this person who clearly doesn’t care about you.

28 7Rating: +21

why are you asking an impossible-to-answer question

Mar 29, 2020 at 11:16am

Seems more like you don’t like yourself very much. I have no idea why you keep on checking in on someone who very clearly doesn’t care about you. you call him a man child but you seem like another man child, or woman child.

25 7Rating: +18

Walk away now

Mar 29, 2020 at 1:20pm

He's just not that into you. Walk away now. Save yourself possibly years of heartache and walk away now. You want a sign? That's your sign.

27 7Rating: +20

Anonymous

Mar 29, 2020 at 3:33pm

Been there, done that. It's hard having unrequited feelings. Too often many women, myself included have low self esteem, low self worth and /or grown up with abuse only to seek out awful men subconsciously repeating a vicious cycle.

It hurts to not have someone you care about not feel the same. Those that truly care and want you in your life will make the effort. Yes, it stings when they don't, when they play with your heart and use you. You're worth more, and deserve better. Good men are few and far between, but the good ones will be honest, and kind.

We are all human and social creatures that need connection and it's downright painful especially now when fear is gripping all of us and many are alone, single and isolated. Sever ties, don't look back.

24 7Rating: +17

Anonymous

Mar 29, 2020 at 4:24pm

You seem to have your own response already, yet maybe you refuse to *see* reality by putting the responsibility or imposition on *him* for not doing something he is very evidently not interested in.
Someone who is interested, no matter how "hard to get" they act, will never let you hanging like that.

It seems to me that before worrying about "loving" others, you'd rather invest time on learning to love yourself. If you're willing to let other person have the power to afflict you in such a way simply because they do not want you, you need to check what value you attach to your own life.
I've been there. Happiness cannot rely on anyone else but you. Yes, others can contribute, but should never dictate who you are. Only then you can truly love.

14 9Rating: +5

But

Mar 29, 2020 at 6:29pm

You're strong and independent right?

8 15Rating: -7

Joining the rest

Mar 29, 2020 at 9:22pm

He's using you. He doesn't care about you. And it's about control. The ignoring of you, the one-sided effort? It's to control you and the relationship. Get too close and he'll pull away. When he's bored or needs a "scratch itched", he'll call. When he sees things progress, he'll pull back emotionally to control how deep the relationship goes. You'll never have a real relationship with this person. You are a use, like an appliance. There's only one person who matters in this relationship, and it's never going to be you.
In our society, we value the rare, the exclusive. The harder it is to get, the more we want it. He makes having himself rare. So you want it more. And just when you're about to give in, he throws crumbs. A reward. That reward is payoff for your efforts, so you want more. And he does those rewards really well. It's perfection. If only it were more often, if only it was more frequent, if only...that's the anthem of this relationship: if only.
It's parallel to an addiction. He gets you hooked, then makes it harder each time. But because there is payoff, you keep trying.
It's like drug abuse. And the silent treatment is also a form of abuse. Your situation is emotional abuse.
Now you see how hard it is to leave an abusive relationship. You are in one. Every person responding is telling you to leave because they all know it's abuse and they know it will never end well for you.
It can't. It's an abusive relationship. And you're being abused.
Accept that you were hoodwinked by an expert. You're not the first, you won't be the last, and you need to drop it, drop him and accept that you got taken by an expert. His expertise? Control, manipulation and abuse.
You're not an appliance. When you get your worth you'll wonder why you ever tolerated this, and will see that anyone could have been hoodwinked when dealing with a pro.

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