Back in the old days

I was in a very abusive relationship when I was quite young. My first husband began beating me shortly after we got together. At that time in the 70’s we lived in a remote area. There was NO help for women like me, especially from the cops! Once he forced me out of our house late at night in sub-zero temperatures, without shoes or a coat. I had to hitch to the police, only to have them immediately call him to tell him to come and get me. Yeah. Things were terrible back then. Unfortunately, no one cared. My family sure didn’t. I was advised to “work it out” because that was my “duty”. Those days are long past, thankfully. He’s long dead, and I’m still here. I no longer believe that I’m obliged to tolerate abuse from anyone. At least that’s what I tell myself. It’s been a very hard road for me, because I didn’t know my own worth. As a child my father was very emotionally abusive to my mother and me, the only girl child. He was a complete misogynist. He believed that females only existed to fulfill whatever needs the males (including my brothers) had. He cheated on her constantly until he was too old to attract other women. He ignored me other than to let me know how awful I was and to complain that I wasn’t a proper female. I’m in my late 60’s now. I’ve raised my own kids and I’ve been married twice (I left the 1st one and the 2nd too) and now I’m divorced and live alone. I’ve spent my entire life fighting with myself for the confidence I need to succeed. To feel worthy of love, or even of being liked or respected. Every time I think that I’ve finally won that battle, something happens and I’m back to fighting the same old internal beliefs. Even my own children know how to beat me down, and they treat me like someone they don’t care about at all. I know that it’s me that I have to convince that I’m worthy of love and respect, but sometimes it feels like I’m always climbing the same mountain, and just when I think I’m at the top, I fall all the way back down and I have to start all over again. I’m really, really TIRED.

9 Comments

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We...

Oct 14, 2020 at 5:54am

teach people how to treat us...

You Poor Woman

Oct 14, 2020 at 9:31am

I’m so sorry to hear your life has been so exhausting. I know how you feel. I’ve been in several abusive situations myself and it is debilitating. At least you are on your own now and you can live life on your terms. You don’t need anyone’s approval to do anything or feel any certain way. It is your own personal journey to learn to love yourself and command respect. You just have to learn to respect yourself. It’s a hard, rocky road and it’s not perfectly straight but at least you can now avoid the oncoming traffic of disrespectful family members or spouses. You are well within your rights to limit contact with your children if they cause you grief. Just take some time for yourself and start again. There are people out there in similar situations. Reach out. Maybe find a support group for survivors of abuse. You may make some new friends. Take care of your heart. You deserve some peaceful rest.

33 4Rating: +29

We humans are an immature race

Oct 14, 2020 at 11:07am

and to varying degrees we are all working through our PTSD. Somehow we all have to find our way and let go of the hurts to realize there is 'opportunity in adversity.' Mush does not sharpen iron, but Iron sharpens iron. The hotter the battle the sweeter the victory. Suggest you be discerning and find the right friend, counsellor or spiritual advisor. I say 'discerning' because the real-deal authentic helpers never advertise or put a price tag on their service.

15 7Rating: +8

Anonymous

Oct 14, 2020 at 11:24am

Stop giving your power away.
No one can hurt you anymore.
Only your opinion of you "matters ".
Not shitty people who obviously never cared.
Warrior Queen

16 5Rating: +11

Ani DiFranco's song

Oct 14, 2020 at 12:02pm

'Do or Die' really inspires me to keep on living

6 4Rating: +2

It’s very common

Oct 14, 2020 at 1:24pm

for people who have been abused growing up to keep attracting this pattern in all their relationships. My mother was physically abused as a child and one thing I see very clearly about her is that she has very poor boundaries with people. It’s almost like she’ll do anything to avoid conflict but then people tend to walk all over her, and as a child watching her behave like this with everyone I thought it was normal too. Being too nice and having poor boundaries will often attract abuse from people. I’m not sure why, and not everyone is like this, but many people will see it as weakness and go straight for the power play over you. I would recommend therapy to develop stronger boundaries and to learn that conflict is sometimes necessary and can be a healthy thing. You need to learn to stand in your power !!

29 4Rating: +25

Anonymous

Oct 14, 2020 at 11:25pm

I attract abusive people too - women and men in relationships out of circumstance. Having strong boundaries can attract abusive people just as easily as poor boundaries. I wish a light could be shone all the abusers out there, I know I make it my business to do so. If only more people cared; there's way too many silent bystanders. I'm glad you're free from those relationships. I hope you can find freedom from your children.

15 4Rating: +11

You win

Oct 17, 2020 at 7:20pm

You have overcome incredible obstacles. Screw the kids. They only show what they learn and to see their father treat you like shit is their life example. Hold your head up, you've earned it!

6 2Rating: +4

I attracted the wrong people too

Oct 17, 2020 at 7:46pm

And although I was aware of it I was too easy going and forgiving with others. This was how I was raised.
This year a situation with a co worker turned into a disaster and with nothing to lose I took a boundaries bootcamp ( local online program) and setting boundaries made a world of difference for me.
I dont think abusers are as easily attracted to people with strong boundaries (its too much work for them).

9 3Rating: +6

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