I’m not in a “mood”

posted December 28th, 2020 at 10:47 PM

I confess that the next time I’m accused of being in a bad mood just because I’m not willing to tolerate his bs, I may just lose it. The fact that I’ve managed to hold it together so many other times as he picks, pokes, criticizes in oh-so-subtle (or so he thinks) ways, and just generally tries to control our entire relationship, is simply a testimony to my incredible self-control and patience, SO FAR. So no, I’m not in a mood. I didn’t wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I’m not hormonal. I’m just fed up with your ignorant attitude. This type of overt sexism is just a complete deal breaker.

13 Comments

Anonymous

Dec 29, 2020 at 1:04am

"a complete deal breaker?" you're being kinda dramatic...

Razor

Dec 29, 2020 at 7:02am

Not sure why all the downvotes. It’s called gaslighting. And it’s an unsubtle way of undermining you and your relationship.

Your ignorance

Dec 29, 2020 at 8:16am

It's not so much his overt sexism, as it is your co-dependence.

Please leave this relationship

Dec 29, 2020 at 8:19am

You’re intelligent, lovable and important. You do not and will never need a man to control you for any reason whatsoever. Free yourself and walk away. There are relationships out there with love, caring, respect, mutual goals and laughter. I wish you freedom in 2021 to discover this for yourself. Sending hugs.

That's the problem with these confessions

Dec 29, 2020 at 8:40am

Use your big girl words on him instead of us, then.
Or just dtmfa

Well....

Dec 29, 2020 at 10:12am

My ex-husband did this to me, too - I tolerated his criticism and control and when I finally lost my top (after four years), he announced he was divorcing me. And I confess I ran for the exit door - and have been unbelievably happy ever since. I've had the past year to build myself back up again after the destruction he did to my self-esteem with his constant breaking me down, brick by brick. I hear - in your confession - the same pain I felt throughout my marriage, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. You deserve to be loved, appreciated and treated with respect; we all do, and I suspect he is not likely to change. All the best in whatever you do.

what are you waiting for?

Dec 29, 2020 at 10:31am

It’s a “deal breaker” and yet you are already anticipating the next time he accuses you of being in a bad mood. Why don’t you quit him? You know, actually break the deal aka break up with him already?

Op

Dec 29, 2020 at 12:01pm

Leaving sounds so easy. But for the people in the relationship there’s so much more to consider. Such as the joint financial issues, the present housing situation, the kids (!!), as well as the emotional connection. For sure I want to, but for now I’m kind of stuck. Trying not to flip out on his misogynistic ass.

Ugh

Dec 29, 2020 at 1:17pm

A lot of men believe that's how the world works because that's how the households they grew up on worked. In my experience, what matters is whether they can see it, hear about it, and address it. If he gaslights you when you bring it up, that's the real deal breaker.