Remembering first intimacies

posted March 20th, 2021 at 7:57 PM

The darned virus has put a full stop to any physical intimacy I might, otherwise, enjoy. Last March, I had a wonderful day with a woman I had dated a few times. She was a businesswoman, and she flew off to Africa. I never heard from her again. Since then, everyone is being very careful. Maybe you think about other times and other partners, too. I was remembering the first days, when I was in Junior High School, and I didn't know shit from green honey. The girls were a year, or two, older than I was, and way more socially advanced. Looking back, I remember four times when girls I knew had manoeuvred me to their homes when their parents were away. I had no idea what was up, or what was expected of me. I remember only being uncomfortable. Another time, a girl and I were talking, alone, in the wings of the auditorium, over lunch. We were sitting face to face, she was leaning toward me. I did nothing. She said, "You missed your chance." I was twelve. Happily, one of the girls initiated the intimate activity. What a magical time adolescence was!

6 Comments

Ah yes....

Mar 20, 2021 at 8:43pm

... I remember in Grade 9, a beautiful young woman from the Island came to my Vancouver school, we were both in the "enriched" math class. I sat at the front with the nerdy boys.

Now, she came up to me and said "Hey, I want to give you my phone number in case, uh, you want to talk about math." So I said "No, Mr. Chang here is much better at math, you want to give it to him." She was undaunted and said "no, I want to give it to you."

So she gave it to me, and I waited a week and pretended I didn't know how to do a quadratic equation and called her, and she was very disappointed I was calling to talk about math.

If only she had been honest, we might be married with kids. As it happens, we're both childless 30somethings. Sad how life works, if we'd met in some medieval community as two peasants we would've been married by Grade 10. Such is life.

I didn't actually realize what was going on until some time in University when I was offhandedly talking to a guy friend about how I always had one or two women who would come up to me after class and want to go for a walk, etc. These dudes were like "WTF, THEY APPROACH YOU???" see I thought they were just bein' friendly.

Of course, the one I wanted, she don't love me, isn't that how it always is? Oh well.

And then recently I thought i was just going out for a friendly chat and dinner with a young first year from a local university, that I met online. And I swear to God, she was willing to fuck on the first date, even after I refused to pay for her food, in fact, that was like, she was so confused that I didn't try to bribe her with food.

I don't know. I suppose I'd have more success if I actually asked women out instead of waiting for them to approach me. But, I like to feel loved, you know?

Nothing's gonna change

Mar 21, 2021 at 12:31am

My world. I hate the maelstrom of existence. POE

@Ah yes....

Mar 21, 2021 at 2:37am

Nice story.

@Nothing's gonna change

oh, Path of Exile. That's an idea

Not even close

Mar 21, 2021 at 8:33am

Nothing was OK until after the age of about 18 when I was better able to make choices vs. falling in line. Between 14 and 16, there were a lot of sexual encounters with boys who wanted more than I was ready for. I thought they'd all be happy to neck all night. I was. Nope. The pressure never stopped and if you declined, the name calling started: iceberg, fish, cock teaser, the works. And if you didn't decline you were tagged a slut. My best sexual memories all started after the age of 30, and wow.

Adolescence was hell; adulthood lonely

Mar 21, 2021 at 12:32pm

I still have good memories of the music and movies of my youth but it's a nostalgia that is scrubbed of any existence of myself and the things that happened to me. My own sexual awakening happened much later and my sexuality, when I do screw up the courage to reveal it to someone privately in a consenting environment, is not appreciated. So I have learned to keep it to myself. Luckily, I have a good imagination so my imaginary partners are spectacular - far better than I could hope to meet in real life.