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Silent nights

I did the "right" things in life... marriage, kids, job, house... made my parents happy doing what was expected and living life the same way my friends do, fitting in. And I am so unhappy. Just as I made financial commitments to that life I met someone who made me question everything. I felt alive but I pushed it away. It kept coming back and I fell in love only to have it fall apart. I tried to control everything and it broke. I fake happiness well, nobody knows but I go to sleep thinking I made the wrong choice and wish I did everything differently. I can't seem to be able to really let go.

Adult male dressing goth

But I think people are mistaking me for preppy because I have black pants on all the time..... and everyone wears shades of grey in Vancouver during the winter anyways... so... I have to start wearing mascara and eye-shadow again to make them understand.

Lust Not a Valid Excuse

Most people have that traumatic event they can blame their misfortunes on. Abusive childhoods, crazy ex-spouses, addictions, whatever. Something major. I don't have anything like that. I just saw a pair of long olive legs and something primal said I gotta have that, and the person attached to the legs said NO, and I've been reeling from it for about a decade. But it's not really the kind of pain origin story you can socially unload on people without being ridiculed.

Life of pain

I’m in my mid 40’s, it took me this long to acknowledge that I have depression and that I have always lived with people thinking I wasn’t good enough for them. My father always treated me that way, I was in a 4 year relationship and had a daughter with her, as soon as she was born I was no longer needed, my daughter at 15 years old decided she didn’t want anything to do with me anymore (she’s now 24). My wife of 19 years has always treated me like I have lots of changes to make and never showed me she loved me for who I am. Because of all this, I began a relationship 7 years ago with someone from work. She is the most beautiful and amazing woman I have ever met and she told me every day how amazing I am, she divorced her husband to be with me. I have so many other people telling me I’m an amazing person but the people close to me haven’t treated me that way. 2 months ago I told my wife everything and she moved out, I spent every day with the woman of my dreams. This is when I started talking to doctors and psychiatrists and realizing I need to take care of my mental health. I thought it wasn’t fair to carry this into my new relationship and my wife begged for another chance. I stayed with my wife, the other woman who is still the only woman I have ever truly loved just told me today she’s engaged. A month ago she told me still misses me so much. I’m devastated and don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t think I can.

I admit

I am a bit older dude but just about every single time when I think of abused animals the tears begin to flow

It wasn't ALL bad

The person whom I think was the love of my life and I are over. It's been a journey of self discovery and reflection. Gave booze a big break. Got a counselor. Started dealing with things I've left for quite some time. It feels like a backstep , but sometimes I'll sit at a park we'd goto and try to forget it ended. We had a few parks I guess. We would go and just be together sometimes. Sometimes Wed meet up after a fight and cry and argue and kiss and.... it was passionate at times. Looking back, when I let myself, I'm happy someone cared to be that passionate with me. It meant something. It's probably quieter without us too.ha

People think I am smart but I know I am stupid. How do I let them know and get away from the expectations?

I was always a good kid with straight A's at school but since i started university, i cant study at all. I dont want to. I feel depressed and stupid all the time. But my family and friends think i am the same smart kid at school. I am barely passing school with a 2.2 gpa. I dont know how i ended up here. I feel i am living a lie. I just want to let them know that i cant do what they want me to do.

I’m a straight guy

And what with the creeps & stuff nowadays.....I don’t bother saying hi to any women I don’t know nor do I even look at them, in fact I hardly go out anymore, it’s just not worth it (btw I don’t even say hi to men or look at them either)

Bored with money...

I've never had money before now suddenly I got a chunk of change and no idea what to do with it. Not enough to buy a house, but enough that I don't gotta work for a bit of I don't wanna. But what do I do with it? Should I invest? Put it in an RRSP? GameStop stock? Lol jk... Just use it to live? I don't really want a vehicle as I hate driving and there's no other bigger items I really need since I rent. I also don't wanna waste it...

So now what?

Having a bit of an identity crisis, but all things considered, I believe I'm wearing this insanity quite well. Just waiting for some mysterious beautiful stranger wearing a tight leather body suit to show up, kock on my door, tell me I've been chosen, and that I need to follow the white rabbit.


Recycling depot New West

I came in quickly to drop off two bags of recycling at the express, You were in work gear sorting...


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