Things haven’t been going very well at work. I’m stuck in a dead end job where the hours aren’t great and the people are shitty. The company I work for is one of those “Top 100 Employers in BC”, which is really bullshit. I have grown tired of favouritism, layers of bureaucracy and the lack of support from the Union. I’m looking to work somewhere else in the meantime and pray that something much better is waiting around the corner. Reading about how Elon Musk bought Twitter and has high functioning Autism gives me a bit of hope because if he can become hugely successful, so can I. I’m trying.

I never leave my house these days without wearing a ball cap and shades. I’d like to just keep growing my beard until no one recognizes me anymore.

I'm not a big fan of Freud, but I do enjoy watching strangers eating bananas. You can learn a lot about someone who's snacking down on one, especially if they think nobody is watching. Even better if they're really hungry. Or angry.

My wife is sleeping with other men.

It was raining while I was waiting for the bus this morning. I wasn't standing under shelter and I forgot my umbrella at home, but it didn't matter. The air was so sweet ad fresh and I had such cute company - a sparrow sitting on the barbwire fence behind me. It was shaking its little head in the rain, singing, and gazing about. It was just mesmerizing to watch.

I confess that I really, and I mean REALLY, want to slap someone silly. There’s this woman (using that term loosely because she acts more like a 12 year old) who hangs out in a spot right beside the building I live in. I work from home, and I’m frequently on calls. This “woman” likes to take her breaks from her own workplace by hanging out about 5 feet from my bedroom / office window. Not only does she smoke, which is bad enough, but she carries on these loud conversations, and for most of the conversation she’s giggling loudly and inanely like a complete idiot. Non-stop. Every single day, several times a day. It’s become so irritating that I have begun imagining scenarios where I march outside and slap her senseless just like Will did to Chris. I realize that she’s probably talking to a guy, but are men really that stupid that they find this crap attractive? The guy says “hello” and she’s giggling coyly? Really? I’m a woman and seeing other women acting like children bugs the hell out of me. Give me strength!!!

Love Vancouver. Been here 20 years. Lucky to have been here this long. Lost a bunch of "friends" for not being a covid denier Not making enough for a future, not enough saved up to move for one, too old to change jobs. No regrets.

I have subconscious ideas that affect how I interact with the world. They cause me to believe that I’m not wanted, I don’t belong, and that something is wrong with me. If I created a program and installed these principles, how would it function, if at all?

Thinking about someone. I can't tell you why it didn't work out, what I could have done differently or how I managed to screw it all up so badly. I've been reflecting for 12 years without answers. I want nothing more than to see them. I picture them all the time. Like ALL the time. It's a giant tattoo on my mind. But at the same time, I'm scared to see them again. If I ever did come across them I would flee. I would literally flee. I picture myself dangling from a window ledge like Jason Bourne so I'm not spotted. I think I know I'm not strong enough to face them again so I'd rather run.

Trapped by crippling depression, insecurities, poverty, obesity. I'm never escaping this suburban concrete hell.