Pulled two ways

Thinking about someone. I can't tell you why it didn't work out, what I could have done differently or how I managed to screw it all up so badly. I've been reflecting for 12 years without answers. I want nothing more than to see them. I picture them all the time. Like ALL the time. It's a giant tattoo on my mind. But at the same time, I'm scared to see them again. If I ever did come across them I would flee. I would literally flee. I picture myself dangling from a window ledge like Jason Bourne so I'm not spotted. I think I know I'm not strong enough to face them again so I'd rather run.

16 Comments

Post a Comment

Touchstone

Apr 19, 2022 at 8:34pm

Whether or not you end up together, perhaps your mind sees this person as the catalyst that will help you make the inner realignments your soul is calling for so you can stop running from the things that scare you.

I am struggling right now with layers of fear and trauma and have run away from a lot of people in the process, so I get where you’re coming from.

Anonymous

Apr 20, 2022 at 12:25am

It's reminiscent of an abusive dude with shitty boundaries that hides behind locked doors or "flees" behind them when he sees me coming. Lotta cowards out there due to collect karma.

I may not know much

Apr 20, 2022 at 1:35am

But I do know that going backwards isn't much of a plan. Forward towards the realignment of the light way!

15 3Rating: +12

Have you..

Apr 20, 2022 at 4:25am

identified the reason(s) why you would flee if you saw them? Or, is it something that escapes easy definition?

Is it kind of like the (so called) twin flame runner/chaser dynamic, maybe supercharged because of how long it's been?

Help us understand

Apr 20, 2022 at 7:00am

I'm trying to understand why there is such a fear.
I don't think you're afraid of them. I think you're afraid of something inside you. Like you're afraid that you like them.
So you avoiding someone you like? Because you realize you still like them? Why would anyone avoid being around someone they really like?

Silly downvotes

Apr 20, 2022 at 3:34pm

This is the first best confession in a very long time. Confessions are not meant to be PC, they're meant to be unloading the shit show that someone is dealing with. Relationships, regrets, doing stupid stuff. Thanks to whoever wrote the confession.

@ Help us understand

Apr 20, 2022 at 4:01pm

I’m not the OP, but in response to your last question, I can say that I avoid people I like when I feel ashamed of my flaws and insecurities.

16 3Rating: +13

@Silly downvotes

Apr 21, 2022 at 6:23am

Yes! I agree. In fact I have tried to say very much the same thing on here a few times but my comments weren’t posted. Let’s hear it for a genuine confession!

7 7Rating: 0

@ I may not know much

Apr 21, 2022 at 6:23am

Hmm. This comment was interesting. As a child in 90's I am very familiar with divorce and re-marriage. The amount of re-marriage I have seen with people they previously knew, is high and the long term-ness of those relationships seemed longer than first marriages. As I am now in that age category I have met up and had good relationships from people from the past and often run into people who are now re-married to people they dated pre-marriage.

12 2Rating: +10

Hide in shame

Apr 21, 2022 at 7:29pm

If you'd run and hide from them like that you obviously did something very shameful towards them.

12 6Rating: +6

Join the Discussion

What's your name?