how much to share

posted September 29th, 2016 at 6:39 PM

We fought last night. Later, left alone, I almost self-harmed. I haven't for the last 8 years (an old long running habit). It was like a drug calling me. It was a fucking struggle, I threw things, cried. I grabbed a pen and my journal instead and wrote, then bong'd myself to sleep. I love him. I don't want to tell him but I want to tell him. I feel like my feelings and I are a burden.

1 Comments

i am confused

Oct 1, 2016 at 8:32pm

with the 'him's'. when you say, "I love him', is the man you love the same man as the man whom you had a fight with, or is the man you love another man that you don't want to tell the current man in your life about. It sounds like the latter to me. Your feelings are real and are you your Truth. You are not a burden and neither are your feelings, this is Absolute Truth. Your feelings are telling you that this relationship is toxic to you and to move on! your feelings are your GPS in life. Follow your heart means follow your feelings too. Please, i suggest strongly that you remove yourself from this toxic relationship as is practical and go to a safe haven, to a place where a person loves you and treats you well and humanely and lovingly, as you must to be treated. A healthy relationship does not end up with a fight that causes you to think self-harm. Self-harm is a projection of that man's anger on you, it is not yours to carry. You are just a kind soul :) Three years after 2008 he left you. Then you took him back, i guess. And now this. I had an odd experience a week/few nights ago where something slapped me in my face and i felt nausea and sick to my stomach in fear. I wonder if i was feeling you, Love. He is not the man for you, Love. You are beautiful and worthy Lady exactly as you are, please Know that. I am so glad you did not self-abuse yourself, and instead you wrote in your journal and slept on it. I am so proud of you! You are courage incarnate, Bravo! :) You are loved and cared for profoundly more than anything or anyone else by a man out there, perhaps you already know him in your life. I don't know if this is the Lady that i love and am in True Love with who is writing this. If the OP is the Lady i am thinking of, please know that i am here for you always in all ways. I cannot emphasize this enough. There is no guilt or shame or disappointment or any bad feelings at all when it comes to seeing me, even after so long; I love you so much and unconditionally you see and just seeing you is a True Gift to me :) 'Unconditionally' by katy Perry, beautiful song from the movie 'Frozen'. Love you!