Childhood memory

I have a childhood memory that haunts me to this day. I'm about four, I find a wild mushroom growing on my front lawn. I eat the whole thing with my mom sitting on the front step, smoking a cigarette watching me the entire time. She does nothing, doesn't freak out, doesn't stop me, nothing. Lucky for me the mushroom was edible, I'm still here. I remember, years later when I was about 10, and better able to process things, my mom talking with a friend about children dying after eating destroying angel mushrooms, this twigged the previous memory and it hasn't gone away since. My relationship with my mom was not great, she passed away years ago now, every time I think about how hard my mom had things and how I should try to forgive her, I'm stuck with this memory and I can't.


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Nov 12, 2019 at 10:22am

I think you're imagining yourself with these memories that aren't the least bit real

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This seems like

Nov 12, 2019 at 1:18pm

a minor incident. Not sure how often you can find poisonous mushrooms around here, perhaps you're a bit paranoid. There might be other issues with your mom but this doesn't seem like a big enough reason to not forgive your mom.

Turn that awful memory into something else

Nov 12, 2019 at 1:45pm

How about this scenario: Your mom is bemused by her kid eating a lawn mushroom, and she thinks it's probably fine. Only later does she realize that it may have been poisonous. Imagine she is talking to another friend about her kid eating a lawn mushroom, and that friend says "Hey, you know that could have been a tragedy...etc."
She tells the story to another friend a few years later as a cautionary anecdote, "...and she popped the mushroom right in her mouth! I didn't know that it could've been poisonous."
Lots of times people only learn the danger in something after it has passed.
Maybe she only realized later how lucky she was that nothing happened to you. I doubt she hoped you would die.

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Nov 12, 2019 at 1:51pm

... one of the big religious cults upon homo sapiens is the Mother Cult, that is the Mater/Matrix Cult.

Rather than working on forgiving your dead mother, deprogram yourself. It's OK to hate your parents and wish they were dead, it's not illegal.

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Hey pal

Nov 13, 2019 at 11:45am

Wow these commenters are TERRIBLE. They obviously can't imagine what it is like to have someone who is supposed to protect you refuse to do just that right in front of little you. That kind of memory can for sure be haunting, and those experiences can have impacts way bigger than you may imagine.
I want to really encourage you to talk about this with a counselor if you can, but either way, I'd also really encourage you to spend a bit of time reflecting on how much safer you are now that you can protect yourself instead of relying on a parent to do it. They didn't protect you enough, but now you can, so you're safe(r) now <3

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Nov 13, 2019 at 11:19pm

You're allowed to not forgive someone.

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Nov 15, 2019 at 9:58am

You are allowed to have negative feelings about your mother. You can read a kazillion books from the library free and cure yourself of this problem or you can get therapy. In order to get help from a pro, you must check yourself into a local ER and prove them you are batshit crazy and a danger to yourself or others. Be prepared for lock down while they assess you. There are so many a lot worse off than you who are living on the streets with much bigger problems. You are not the only person with "Mother Issues". We all have them.

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