the same thing when my mother passed . So did my sister. Sounds crass and inappropriate, but it wasn't , considering what we had to deal with. Just honest.

Reddid has a thread called raised by narcissists - sounds like your 'mother' is one of those.

You can see what's up, and you are choosing to live the way you need to.

It happened to me. Only communicating via text when she died, was just done with it all... it was a relief.

There's a lot of us who feel the same way, try reaching out to those around you - may be surprised.

(2nd the reddit sub. Very supportive and informative.)

You're doing the right thing. Nothing wrong with being civil and loving with your mother, but cutting the cord is healthy. If your siblings choose to be so attached, that's their business. Whatever makes you/them happy.

It is not that simple, in a lot of cases the children have become unable to feel happiness on their own, their happiness (or, really stability) comes from pleasing their overbearing, narcissistic mother, and because that is the only sort of relationship they have known from early childhood, it is very difficult for them to form normal relationships. Acting like it is a choice is not really fair, it is a serious problem, one that society acts like doesn't exist---in my experience, women are much better at getting away from their narcissistic mothers than men, a lot of them are the guys you see living at home into middle age.

In fact, before the women's movement (and still in France and Ireland to some degree) it was understood that autism/schizophrenia (not the nonverbal kind, but the "he's a bit off kind") was caused by poor quality mothering. With more young men being diagnosed with autism every year, it must be addressed whether mothers are in some way responsible, that was all swept under the rug due to political correctness.

I've worked with lots of autistic young men, very few of them talk about how great their mothers are, tho most of them certainly have a sense that they should try to obey her standards, or else.

Yes, add your voices to the multitudes of others from pretty much the past 150 years or so, and blame mothers for all of the problems in the world. It's all their fault, obviously. It makes perfect sense of course, given how much power women the world over have held in all that time. Mothers are the root of all evil! Fathers be damned! They were so busy making all the "important" decisions in the world and leaving everything else to the women, so whatever they did or didn't do they're obviously blameless. So blame Mom! It's so much easier than being accountable for your own life choices, or of course taking a step back to wonder what may have been HER reality while you were a child. Nope, just sit back comfortable in the knowledge that you are but one of an entire generation raised by narcissistic women who only gave birth to serve their own nefarious plans to control their poor children while they sat back eating bonbons and having their nails done. You poor, poor waifs.

My father was the true narcissist but my mother the eternal victim/victimizer. Perfect combo. The male kids are some combo of the 2 and oddly the females are fairly stable.

This is not about misogyny. This is about the control that some horrible women have over their family. I am the OP and I am a woman. Your wailing about the fact that women are hard done by does NOTHING to solve any feminist problems. My mother is a tyrant. My mother is fiercely brilliant and learned how to manipulate situations to her liking. My mother was raised in poverty and likely cultivated a means for survival that included being extremely self-centered and hateful towards other women. Never in my life have I heard her say a positive thing about another woman, nor has she had any close female friends. She is a narcissist and has loathed me my entire life because I have never allowed her to control me, nor have I allowed her to shape my destiny, unlike my siblings. Narcissists and psychos come in all forms, and if you've never had a mother who slyly knocked your self-esteem down through words and actions over the course of several years,, take a seat. Take several seats. Do not comment on something of which you know nothing, nothing at all.

You'd be amazed what I know about as a matter of fact. Clearly you've decided however that only you are entitled to an opinion. I won't enter into a rant with you as you've already made your mind up, and I certainly won't get into the details of my own history. You make a LOT of assumptions and you sound very young. Hopefully in a few decades some of your superiority will have worn off a bit so that you can perhaps take a step back and see things more clearly.