“Nice” guys....

.....is a ridiculously common comment in this forum. The assumption is that in order for a guy to be “nice”, he must also be unattractive/very average in looks, intelligence, and earnings. What a complete crock. I’ve met and dated men of varying levels of attractiveness and wealth, and I can say with certainty that neither of those attributes has anything to do with how “nice” they were. In fact, I often found that some of the least attractive guys were also the most bitter and obnoxious ones, who had a ginormous chip on their shoulder because they got rejected by many women. They likely got rejected as much for having a lousy personality as they did for not being good looking or rich! I’ve also been with men who were attractive, had a good income, and who were also very nice. It’s such a tedious stereotype that the only nice guys are also the least attractive and have the lowest incomes. Nice try.


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This is not...

Aug 24, 2019 at 1:39pm

... the stereotype, the stereotype is that there's a halo effect such that beautiful people are presumed to be "good" and that "nice guy" is really another word for "creep" which is another word for "ugly."

People do not have rational "niceness/personality detectors," if we are physically attracted to someone, or admire them, we tend to think they're nice people. If we find them repugnant or lacking, we tend to think they're not nice people.

Anyway, all of this is fairly well studied in psych, I don't think I've ever heard anyone say that nice guys are unattractive and have low incomes, just that being nice doesn't really matter---the #1 trait you can give offspring is being physically attractive. Just go look in the DTES. How many of those boys are male models? Then go to Burrard and Georgia and look at the office people, how many of them look like DTES street guys?


Aug 24, 2019 at 3:31pm

Also, the stereotype that only unattractive/nerdy people are smart.


Aug 24, 2019 at 6:14pm

Well put, poster. “Nice” does not necessarily equal meek or unattractive. But somehow it has become the opposite of “bad boy” or something. People are not so one-sided. These stereotypes are just that.

I knew a guy who was really nice, highly intelligent

Aug 24, 2019 at 7:43pm

and looked like Tom Cruise (in his 20s).
What I didn't know, until it was too late and some supposed friends told him lies, was that he had liked me too.


Aug 24, 2019 at 10:15pm

Of women wouldn't know a nice guy if they tripped over him.
Nice,as in interested in her and her future. Cares about her and her time,dreams,and hopes. Is considerate. Etc
Nowadays,women think that if a guy is being nice,he is just trying to get into her pants and should be labelled as an incel,as he isn't "alpha" enough to approach her.
Which is BS.

@ I knew a guy who was really nice, highly intelligent

Aug 24, 2019 at 11:40pm

Oh like me, back when I had hair, and would run a few miles every day. Until someone caused me a lot of undue stress causing me, and my life to fall apart.

I see

Aug 25, 2019 at 12:43pm

My husband is REALLY REALLY attractive! Even after years together I still get lost is his eyes! He is very kind and sweet and very smart, tall, great hair, broad shoulders. This is very hard to find, but it's out there.

@@ I knew a guy who was really nice, highly intelligent

Aug 25, 2019 at 1:56pm

I am sure you are not the guy I am talking about because he didn't go running everyday, he was a gamer & naturally thin (and still has his hair).
I suspect you are maybe the guy (aka idiot joe?) who must happen to also look like TC, who assumes I'm someone from your past.
Sorry dude.

My last boyfriend

Aug 25, 2019 at 2:17pm

was "average" in looks, but a hard (blue-collar!) worker, who was serious about being in a monogamous relationship with me. I respected this very much. Except when we were chatting one day about doctors and whatnot, and I casually mentioned that I'd had a cyst, and he flat-out accused me of lying. I recognize this tactic from observing my parents. He also kissed me so hard that my lips bled, and he told me it was my fault they bled. That was the last straw.

Kiss me!

Aug 25, 2019 at 2:48pm

I'm nice. I'm spice. My head is full of lice. Kiss me beautiful, I know you want to! xoxox

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