Too independent
posted March 13th, 2020 at 3:41 PM
I must have a soul mate
Somewhere but
We can’t be together
Because I smoke pot
And he prefers the harder things
He wanted to get married and have a family
I wanted to become someone worth marrying
Before I had a family
I had no idea that i’d have to choose one
Over the other
How unfair to live a life
Healing myself from traumas
Brought on by men
To vigilantly protecting myself from
Men only to reach a stage
Where Men no longer want me
And I’m dying to be loved by them.
Looking into my aging eyes reminds them
Of their own mortality.
I’ve always loved the maturity
Of an older man
Yet I cant compete with the reassurance
Of a much younger woman.
I wanted to be cool for him
So we could live a cool life
Together and grow old
In an unconventional way
He wanted a smaller version
Of me.
Same smile, same hair
But with a smaller
More showcaseable body
I wanted a smart man
But
Being smart is very attractive
And he married someone who really
Wanted to get married.
Smart men don’t need to stay single
Being single is more work
And that isn’t smart
I wanted to be independent
For him
So we could be equal partners
In life
He wanted to feel needed
And knowing that I could
Do it without him
Made him insecure
I worked on myself
I stopped comparing myself
To other women.
But he liked it when I was jealous
It made him feel powerful
The drama that I worked so
Dilligently to remove from my life
Was the substance he built
His existence around
It gave him a sense of purpose
I wanted to find someone
Who has seen some shit
Yet still lives in the light
But those men are pieces
That fit someone else’s puzzle
I wanted to find true love
When I’d really grown up
Only I grew up into
An era full of porn and polyamory
I accept that I was never meant
To bear children of my own
There was a reason I couldn’t picture it
But I wanted someone to love me so much that they wanted
To have children with me
I can live without the children
But without that love?
It never occurred to me that I’d have to.
13 Comments
Post a CommentHeeeerE's Johnny
Mar 13, 2020 at 5:26pm
Dam
Miss Indepedent
Smokes
Matchmade in Heaven
I'm in love
Pick Me
Can u handles the Truth
Beautiful
Mar 13, 2020 at 5:53pm
I feel for you so much. As another woman who has longed to find a man who would truly understand and appreciate me for who I am, instead of just what I looked like or what I could do for them. I’ve done the marriage and kids thing. I’ve done common law. I’ve “dated” forever. But still I’m alone. I think they want far more from us than they can offer themselves, and I’m no longer willing to be the only person doing all the compromising. So that leaves me lonely and him lonely, and no one wins. Still, I’m not going to settle anymore, for some guy who thinks he’s doing me a favour.
Anonymous
Mar 13, 2020 at 6:35pm
I recommend finding someone who is not from here, someone with a fresh cultural perspective.
forget this guy
Mar 13, 2020 at 8:16pm
you need to clear him out of your heart and your mind and focus on finding a new man that doesn't try to lay so much crap on you. he's out there.
Your words are gorgeous
Mar 13, 2020 at 10:54pm
And speak the truth to many women. Thank you for sharing them. Get yourself into a writing class, and these words off to magazines. You're obviously meant to share them with a broader audience :)
Karmic Kindergarten
Mar 14, 2020 at 2:07am
Tonight's episode: " Egregious Rce-holes R Us"
@beautiful and @op
Mar 14, 2020 at 9:02am
Right. Please blame EVERYONE else because the common denominator couldn’t possibly be you. Maybe it’s hard to find someone who appreciates you because … it’s hard to find anyone of any gender like that? But go on. Blame men. Just as many men continue to paint all women with the same tired stereotypes too.
No, no, no
Mar 14, 2020 at 10:09am
Nice try
All this for a
Mar 14, 2020 at 10:17am
Man. Too independent, perhaps? Need of mental help, definitely. In short, you’re like cling wrap and a dryer sheet wrapped into one. You can’t decide between clingy & aloof. Maybe you should just focus on being single or perhaps see if you like the same sex? Definitely get some help, your grammar was atrocious.
@Beautiful
Mar 14, 2020 at 3:21pm
I'm not a good looking guy in any way. Have a lumpy build. Going bald. Crooked nose. But I'm great,kind,thoughtful, and my 4 nieces adore me. Outgoing. Friendly. etc.
In my work I interact with people all over the world via phone and email, and everyone lights up when I call and we have great convos not concerned with work.
Ignored and rejected at every chance in courses,pubs, Meetups,etc.
Been on every dating site, alternating, between them for years with a good profile. Only one messaged me,never heard back.
Have written thoughtful messages to hundreds, not a single reply back. It's safe to say many thousands of women have looked at my profile,and not a single one thought me worthy.
As an experiment I got Tinder,and swiped on every single profile and as expected, not a single one had swiped on me. Bumble was a shutout.
So please don't tell that men are so shallow,women are as bad if not worse. And please don't complain that man have nothing to offer, as it just as often goes the other way.
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