Expiration Date

At what age as a woman do you start to feel a more desperate need to settle? The pandemic hasn’t helped my case but as a 28 year old female I’m starting to feel my options are fewer and fewer as time goes on. I feel I have a lot to offer in a relationship and never expect a man to pay for anything but I would like to have that companionship and stability and to start a family. Am I running out of time? Are all the decent guys taken? I’m on hinge and all the guys are “ethically non monogamous” or “looking for something casual” in their 30s like seriously you guys still aren’t ready for commitment??

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All the guys

May 3, 2021 at 2:47am

is sort of a blanket statement, in my experience. There is a small but ...significant minority of human males where there's a *really* large range of variation from the regular societal norms of awareness, behavior, depth, and resonance in general. And some of that demographic no doubt really is interested in high quality, long-term relationships of that kind -- monogamy and all.

It's just the meeting, meaningfully connecting with and remaining in contact with them that's the challenge. Or, I imagine that's a challenge for a lot of people, because the (gender-reversed) situation certainly exists for me, with a few weird twists. :)

Re your age (28, female), I wouldn't be that worried yet. I do feel absolutely silly and out of place saying most of this, though, given the absence of experience in this area on my end :P It feels a bit like a partially blind person describing visual sight to a non vision-impaired person.

Fwiw, if you were ~10-15 years older than that and still in the same state and circumstances (and weren't, say, an extreme outlier who was so thoroughly into experimenting with and actualizing body-related consciousness-as-cause abilities that age related deterioration wasn't as much of a concern as normal), then that would be really different for sure.

7.863 billion people on the planet right now is really incredible though -- it's just unimaginable. Add the existence of basically instant communication via the internet, multiple different ways of connecting with each other, high speed intercity and inter-continental travel, and a rapidly evolving collective human consciousness, and I don't think opportunities are necessarily lacking or super limited for quite a lot of people.

6 22Rating: -16

There is no reason...

May 3, 2021 at 3:32am

for a male to commit in this society. The social contract is broken. It's every man for himself.

Anonymous

May 3, 2021 at 3:56am

Wow, it's the 21st century are you still doing this? 28 is so young, but if you insist, do the eHarmony thing. Had a friend had the same imaginary issue. "Don't you feel old?" She was 24 at the time. Anyways she matched on eHarmony and married a man in the states. Has a kid, the school run, decorates etc...

17 9Rating: +8

camel

May 3, 2021 at 5:06am

The key is to get pregorized before you're 30. The who isn't as important as the timeline, because it's all downhill (literally: gravity) soon. Keep moving forward!

6 32Rating: -26

You know....

May 3, 2021 at 6:26am

a true Princess never settles....

29 9Rating: +20

18?

May 3, 2021 at 8:41am

come on!

2 10Rating: -8

That’s an honest assessment

May 3, 2021 at 9:14am

As a 34 year old male, I struggle to know if I can afford to stay in Vancouver and basically am looking to start a new life somewhere... it’s good that you’re not one to expect a man to pay, but it just looks unrealistic to stay here unless you’re loaded. That’s the reason why men don’t want commitment when they’re in their 30s.

27 3Rating: +24

Seriously one of the saddest confessions

May 3, 2021 at 9:30am

I've ever read on here. Conformity is so depressing.

Canadian men are chickenshit.

May 3, 2021 at 10:01am

They are cowards who like to keep their options open. For F's sake, please wait for someone who would gladly be monogamous for you, don't settle! Cripes

It...

May 3, 2021 at 10:34am

... isn't so much that men don't want to commit it's that the men you are interested in don't want to commit. There are plenty of unattractive men who are not capable of being ethically non-monogamous because no one's interested in them. Again this isn't me saying you have to alter your standards you are free to go after one of the 20% of men who women are interested in having casual sexual relationships with. You are free to try and marry one of them and typically the men I know who are married are not always in that group.

As to your age if you want to have kids you want to have them sooner rather than later for all sorts of reasons. You could get hit by a bus. As your age increases the risk of birth defects increases. Again the the chance of a healthy fetus is mostly larger than an unhealthy one it's just why wait and increase the risk?

If you're interested in a family the most important thing is financial stability and having a man who is going to be a family man who doesn't have his own sense of his needs that come first. And your options decrease as time goes on. The most successful marriages are typically between two people who've never had any other sex partners. Now whether that's because people who don't have a lot of premarital sex are better at marriage or because the lack of premarital sex doesn't change their neurological structures related to parabonding who knows. But that I think if you research the topic is what you will find the best statistical chance that a marriage is for two people who don't know what they're missing as it were. If you are a typical 28 year old woman you've had many sex partners many casual relationships and basically it will be very difficult for you to accept anything other than the best man you've ever been with you'll feel aggrieved if you get less than him. The internet term for this is Alpha widow that is you've had a one-night stand or a hookup with a very desirable male and now you feel that's who you ought to marry. Men don't do this just because a man went to as in Johnny mnemonic a 10,000 a night hooker, that doesn't mean he expects to marry a $10,000 a night hooker.

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