Ive realized something. I don't care about sex or cumming or w/e. But I would love to have someone to kiss, cuddle, hold & talk to. That's what I want. That's why I've been intrigued in chastity cages lately. I'd happily be locked away if it meant I had someone to talk to. to give myself fully to someone would be ideal.

Im tired of my idiot boss that wont retire. Im tired of working for less and less. Im tired of flaky ass people that cant do what they say they will do. Im tired of being lonely in city full of people. Im tired of spending time with women who dont like me but just like the attention. Im just so fucking tired. There is no where to run. No where to hide. Its all getting worse. Fuck.

But I just don't know how. If I can make a positive change for someone or something then maybe I wouldn't feel like my life is so meaningless.

But I haven’t been able to do it yet. I found a recording that has my ex’s voice on it. I hadn’t heard their voice at all since we broke up a long time ago, and suddenly there they were. It was a shock to hear it again and stirred up so many confusing emotions. I know I should delete it but I keep finding myself playing it over again just to hear their voice. I’ve been so strong for all this time and now I feel weak again. I’m so mad at myself!

I would like New Years Day moved to March 1st. December is too crowded for events. The months that are named after numbers 7, 8, 9, and 10 will make sense again. January can be a month of rest. February a month of reflection, preparation, and celebration for the new year. And March is when spring begins.

Despite all the talk about how community and friends is what makes life livable I am constantly surprised how flakey people are and how disposable offers of connection are. Treat others as you want to be treated. If you agreed to spend time with people, stick to it. If you’re too busy say it when you’re being invited.

I'm a attractive 29 year old woman, considered exotic, curvy body etc & wouldn't mind checking out Wreck Beach, but I just don't want to be around a bunch old out of shape geezers with their shriveled up cockers who will stare at women like me, that's the type of men who go there....or they are gay.

I have a visceral reaction when someone refers to their husband as their "hubby". DISGUSTING!

Figuratively my boss kicks me like a donkey, oftentimes in group email chain. Do something, do it faster, what’s the answer? And like a donkey I stop moving, stubbornly shutting down. I’ll move again when I damn feel like it.

I've spent the whole day inside so far just listening to music. Peaceful.