I will have saved like $1600 this year on the bus. WFH!!!!! Whoooo! Escaped the corporate assembly line machine!
So I am going to start wearing patouli.
When we were kids in the sixties, there was not much for entertainment, either on TV or at any venue, so we made our own fun. One of the things that we did a few times, but not more because it was scary, was have dark candlelit seances at the house of a girl whose father was a funeral director. We did these seances in the basement, and as far as I remember nothing ever happened, but there was a sense of calling out to the dead, and you were never sure whether anything might follow you home. Living next door to a cemetery was spooky, but we knew from taking a shortcut through it that the place had a strange atmosphere. We followed up our curiousity about the occult by reading horoscopes, finding 4 leaf clovers, and trying to interpret our own dreams. We read everything we could get our hands on including books about astrology, the occult, and witchcraft. Some friends even did Wicca or white witch type rituals, to get a boy to love them or get revenge on people who deserved retribution. It was definitely fun, in a creepy sort of way, but gradually as we got older, it became a question of whether you were a church going or religious or spiritual person, or whether it was even ethical or kind to delve into these practices. I decided against the dark side but retained a fascination with sociological and philosophical subjects in general, as well as the role belief plays in determining certain outcomes... culturally these polarizing types of beliefs can either bring people together or keep them apart, and it is fascinating to see the role superstition can play in the long term
I have sworn off women for a while. I do not have energy for a meaningful relationship right now... and I feel terrible about it. There are a couple people who I want to date, but I just cannot maintain enough energy between work and my education to treat them well enough. I hope Vancouver becomes a more livable city in the future. It seems like you have to run around like a chicken with its head cut off to get by. Labour laws concentrate on physical well-being but they should really concentrate on mental well-being too.
In the 90s I was a partying whore and emailed my best friend about all my acid taking and random hookups and glee at some lover who taught me how to orgasm... and emailed every single person in my address book. I'm married and sober and a lot better at email now. I have earned my boring life honestly, lol
All those times I went out, to see random friends, have quick lunches mid day to catch up, to the gym, working out with others, attending concerts with thousands of other people, heck even getting in the elevator and having a chuckle with my neighbour..... that was a Golden Age and I didn’t realize how prosperous, safe, connected we all were. Was it a dream? It almost feels like it didn’t exist. I had a rich, varied, calm life with others and it’s all gone now. Cloistered away, nowhere to be, and only riding my bike with a few in my bubble. I had a dream that I went to Seattle, teeming with people everywhere, and even in my dream I thought, This is not safe. I miss the crowds and energy of people. It’s gonna be a long time before there’s economic recovery where people and companies are in a good place again. And I regret everything I didn’t do before “because I was tired”. Had I had known it would never happen again at that moment, I would’ve just drank a coffee or energy drink and rolled with it. To all the people I never run into anymore, to the family members worldwide that I can’t visit, to the random people I’d have a laugh with running a race, I miss you all.
I don't care if I have holes in my running shoes. They are running shoes. Hence, I no longer belong in Vancouver because I do not get along with vain people. I have to move.
I lost my job due to the pandemic and although it’s been a wonderful break for me, I’m bored. I’ve sent out dozens of resumes and now it looks like things are back peddling. The CERB is being diminished so I’m afraid I won’t be able to afford anything on top of just bills which means literally being stuck doing free activities or stuck at home. Yes, everyone is going through this and I’m no exception but I’m BORED! I have some talents in certain areas but I have no wish to fulfill them. I’ve become completely complacent. I feel like I’m just floating through life like a slug. I know I’m going to look back at this and get upset with myself for not being more productive but I can’t seem to force myself. I’m getting fatter and lazier and I’ve lost my will to give a shit. I’m basically a shut in. I have no idea how to use social media either so it’s not like I could start some magical influencer page that takes up all my time either and I don’t care to learn how. Ugh. FML.
I wish I could express myself. Yesterday at the beach there was a woman playing ukulele and singing. I play music and sing but I would never be able to just sing on the beach where people can hear me. But really deep down I would love to do it I am just afraid. Why is it that some people are just free inside, and others like me are so inhibited. I just want to feel free and be free.
I have looked in dark places, have seen things that should never have been seen by anyone. I am not religious but I seek forgiveness, I wish I could bathe in gifts of forgiveness. I have a good heart, but we all have dark forces within that can take over sometimes. Please have mercy.