It all started with a phone call from my mum in February 2012. It ended on the 22 nd of October 2016. I have just lost my mum, no more phone calls, no more visits, no more sharing of things that we both like, no more cards or presents, No more conversations, No more childhood home visits and stays. Just nothing. In 2012 I lost my brother, he took is own life. He was 29 at the time. He had 3 children of his own. Later that year partly because of the grief of losing his youngest son and also due to ill health my Dad passed away at the age of 65. This 2nd passing in the same year was too much for my mum and myself; we had just finished with my brother’s arrangements. So with stunned silence we went into funeral mode again. It was all quite surreal, having not grieved for my brother and still evaluating the circumstances of his passing we put our heads down and went through the emotions and details a 2nd time. I live abroad from where I grew up, I would visit once a year, or my parents would visit me. With my Dad passing I felt it would be a good idea to move back home to be closer to my Mum, who herself had suffered on and off from depression since the mid 1990’s. My wife disagreed with the idea of the move back as we had a young son and she wanted to be close to her family. I made other attempts to highlight the benefits of a move back, but ultimately it was unsuccessful. I stopped asking. So I made do with being the best son I could be to her by calling weekly, video chat’s every weekend to her grandson. She made the trip here twice on her own and I visited her too. We had some nice times. Within the last year I could see and tell that my mum’s health was getting worse, her weight was up, she was not leaving the house, she would cancel her activities. Her friends were concerned. Her breathing was not good on the phone. I was due to attend the wedding of my cousin with my wife and son. It was then that I made the decision to resign my job, and go and spend some time with my mum, to look after her as she had looked after me when I was young. The decision I made was not a popular one on the work or home front, acquaintances and friends would wonder aloud about my decision to go. It struck them as a big step and most of them were surprised by it. Before I was due to fly my mum asked if I would go with her to the Dr with her. I was concerned at this One of her friends called me before I left to tell me that she had cleaned her house as best she could, but my mum would not let her in certain rooms in the house. I arrived with my wife and son. The house was a state despite the help from my mum’s friend. The Monday after my cousins wedding I went with my Mum to the Dr, she was admitted straight away to the hospital with breathing problems and a heart flutter. She was also retaining fluid on her legs. After 5 days in hospital she was released seemingly making a good recovery. She got some time with her grandson, before him and my wife had to fly back. My mum was doing well but her legs were getting worse, we called the dr’s again and she was admitted straight away to the high dependency unit. Once I arrived I was told that the dr wanted to see me, he said hat she was quite seriously ill and that she was morbidly obese. Because of this and her in active lifestyle her body was shutting down. The dr had the resuscitation talk with me. She was in for 12 days and again made a recovery much to everyone’s surprise. She was on the mend, getting house visits from the nurses and home helps to get her dressed, she did seem to act a little older that she was but she had a renewed vigor. The prognosis was good from the nurses and the dr’s. She was well enough to visit friends in the car. We drove around; we meet her brother and his wife for a nice lunch, my mum giving me the directions to the hotel. I was out to dinner with friends when it happened, her friend called me to say that she could not get hold of her. I called on my mobile early to check in and she has said that she was feeling well. I tried calling her, no answer, perhaps the phone was not on the cradle, it had happened before. I got on the train with my friends; one of my friends was staying at the house with us. We rushed up the road, into the house and found her on the kitchen floor. She was gone. After the funeral and making all the arrangements, clearing the house, taking items to the dump, storing items, handing down items to family, I am now back in my own house. I was away from the end of august to the beginning of December and I am very grateful for the time I got with my mum, I was lucky. Just. She was 66 years old. Now as I write this, I am happy to have been there with her to help her, care for her, but I now have no idea what to do next and that’s the biggest surprise. Just what do I do next?