Can’t live with them…

…don’t want to live without them. What a dilemma. How sad it is for two people who are miserable without each other and yet still can’t find a happy medium so they can be together. I just wanted fairness and respect, and I felt used instead. My life is one of existence now, where I just go through the motions day to day, with rare moments of joy. He says it’s the same for him because neither of us feels whole without the other. But I can’t ever go back to how it used to be, and I don’t see any change happening unless he realizes that’s his only option. So we stay apart and remain in this limbo half life instead of growing old together and supporting each other with grace. So sad.

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Sounds purgatorial.

Mar 20, 2023 at 3:14pm

He refuses to change and you refuse to evolve.

2 1Rating: +1

This is...

Mar 20, 2023 at 7:14pm

almost *exactly* what I'm going through right now. I'd say this was an unusually uncanny post, except for the fact that over a billion extremely hyper-aware matryoshka people exist who already know (or can easily know with a flick of awareness) pretty much everything about every other human on Earth (and much more than that, in most cases), so...

So you say you can't live without them, but is the reason you can't live with them something more superficial and easily changeable, like they're temporarily overweight, or happen to have a life or social dynamic expression that still seems immature or pathetic, or haven't yet reached a blossoming point in their actual potential yet? Because in some cases, all of the above would almost instantly dissolve (in a matter of days, weeks or at most, months) with some actual support, help, more direct communication, expressing those sentiments directly to them in a way where they were certain it was coming from You and not through some proxy or cryptic, hiding and less distinct manner, or even physical reunion itself.

Sometimes even if that person who seems like they're "not enough" or "not ready yet" is simply... you know, allowed to not be physically and mental-emotionally tortured or violated or distressed to such extremes for long enough that they can gasp and breathe and heal for some uninterrupted time in their lives...

Sometimes even just that is enough for them to return to their Natural State, which in some cases is *nothing like* what their current pathetic/'not enough'/'not ready seeming' state is like.

Just some food for thought.

~ that boy

2 1Rating: +1

Also...

Mar 20, 2023 at 7:30pm

If the other person has to unnaturally artificially force themselves to change in order to be "right" for you, are you really truly compatible with them in the proper ways in the first place?

Personally, I have no more interest in dealing with immature amnesics, or onion-people lifelong acted characters who aren't even truly compatible -- and by compatible, I mean *already* perfect electric synergies for each other.

If you actually want them to change, why don't you just tell them face to face, in person, and/or *directly* help them to change yourself, in person, with no masks or uncommunicated feelings?

They might very well do just that if you helped out a bit in reality.

Personally... I just don't have any interest in distance bullshit or fantasy or "oh, but there's something *WRONG* with him still".

If you aren't already compatible, discard it and move on. Don't keep the person you're interested on some stupid leash and yet at a distance at the same time.

2 0Rating: +2

Anonymous

Mar 20, 2023 at 10:56pm

Shame perhaps you should find a new person to love ?
Sometimes things that are broken just need to be thrown in the trash you can't fix it.
It's broke !

1 1Rating: 0

Who you think you're kidding?

Mar 20, 2023 at 11:25pm

Your "confession" is filled with your typical narcissistic projection and deflection gaslighting bullshit. You weren't fair to them. You didn't respect. All you've done is use them. Now it all comes back on you. Enjoy your place in Hell. You earned it.

1 0Rating: +1

@who

Mar 22, 2023 at 7:03pm

The projecting being done here is by you. You’re projecting your own situation onto the confession of a complete stranger. You write as if you know who I am when obviously you don’t have a clue. If you knew the facts about my life and relationship you’d understand, but since you don’t, please deal with your own issues and stop assuming.

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@who, @ sounds purgatorial, @batshit crazy guy

Mar 22, 2023 at 7:06pm

@who- The projecting being done here is by you. You’re projecting your own situation onto the confession of a complete stranger. You write as if you know who I am when obviously you don’t have a clue. If you knew the facts about my life and relationship you’d understand, but since you don’t, please deal with your own issues and stop assuming. @sounds purgatorial- see my response to @who; @batshit crazy guy…‘nuff said.

0 0Rating: 0

Sounds purgatorial, again.

Mar 23, 2023 at 12:32pm

OP, I understand that you want to defend yourselves from these reactive comments. The rambling guy's been an issue on other threads, and @Who is just mean.

I do want to highlight, though, that you said yourself you are living in a limbo half-life.

All I'm saying, albeit bluntly, is that you could choose to stop living a half-life and move toward living a full one by emotionally and spiritually letting this person go. But that has to be your choice; the other person won't make it for you.

Good luck, and as long-time commenter camel would say, keep moving forward.

0 0Rating: 0

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