It was raining while I was waiting for the bus this morning. I wasn't standing under shelter and I forgot my umbrella at home, but it didn't matter. The air was so sweet ad fresh and I had such cute company - a sparrow sitting on the barbwire fence behind me. It was shaking its little head in the rain, singing, and gazing about. It was just mesmerizing to watch.
I confess that I really, and I mean REALLY, want to slap someone silly. There’s this woman (using that term loosely because she acts more like a 12 year old) who hangs out in a spot right beside the building I live in. I work from home, and I’m frequently on calls. This “woman” likes to take her breaks from her own workplace by hanging out about 5 feet from my bedroom / office window. Not only does she smoke, which is bad enough, but she carries on these loud conversations, and for most of the conversation she’s giggling loudly and inanely like a complete idiot. Non-stop. Every single day, several times a day. It’s become so irritating that I have begun imagining scenarios where I march outside and slap her senseless just like Will did to Chris. I realize that she’s probably talking to a guy, but are men really that stupid that they find this crap attractive? The guy says “hello” and she’s giggling coyly? Really? I’m a woman and seeing other women acting like children bugs the hell out of me. Give me strength!!!
Been here 20 years. Lucky to have been here this long. Lost a bunch of "friends" for not being a covid denier
Not making enough for a future, not enough saved up to move for one, too old to change jobs.
I have subconscious ideas that affect how I interact with the world. They cause me to believe that I’m not wanted, I don’t belong, and that something is wrong with me. If I created a program and installed these principles, how would it function, if at all?
Thinking about someone. I can't tell you why it didn't work out, what I could have done differently or how I managed to screw it all up so badly. I've been reflecting for 12 years without answers. I want nothing more than to see them. I picture them all the time. Like ALL the time. It's a giant tattoo on my mind. But at the same time, I'm scared to see them again. If I ever did come across them I would flee. I would literally flee. I picture myself dangling from a window ledge like Jason Bourne so I'm not spotted. I think I know I'm not strong enough to face them again so I'd rather run.
Trapped by crippling depression, insecurities, poverty, obesity. I'm never escaping this suburban concrete hell.
short flight to Seattle the other day, my first flight in almost three years. I used to fly all the time and travel extensively, but this time I nearly had a panic attack just being in the airport. Scared of everyone, scared to touch anything, totally OCD about germs. No one talking or smiling. Really bad vibes, but at least I ventured out! I’m hoping we can get back to normal at some point
After a long dry spell, I’m being randomly contacted and hit on by three different men I dated pre-Covid who couldn’t be bothered to make an effort back then. None of the three of them have even seen me in over three to five years, yet all are suddenly offering to wine and dine me over messenger and texts. The attention is nice but I can’t help but feel annoyed - where were any of them back then when they had a chance?! I don’t wanna be the Covid recovery girl!!
As I was leaving my underground parkade and walking toward the building entrance, a women approached at the same time. She was carrying a whole bunch of snowboarding gear. She was mask-less, while I was wearing one (as I do EVERYWHERE). I held the door open for her for several minutes while she struggled to get all her gear in and she thanked me profusely as her face basically grazed my own. In hindsight, I wish I'd just stood back and said, "You go ahead" and let her deal with the gear all alone. After all, that's what you're doing to immunocompromised, at-risk, marginalized folks when you don't wear a mask.
On top of it being a blue sky sunny day, I saw the cutest thing: A guy on a drive with his cat stopped at a traffic light. It was bumping up against his chest and nuzzling his chin. I can go home now feeling all warm and fuzzy on the inside.