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I did it!

Today is my last day in retail. After many years off and on, this is it. Next week I move to the island for a job more in line with my interests and education. I’m so freaking excited to never serve shorty customers again. Some of you out there need to take a hard look at yourselves and how you treat people. All the eye rolling, passive aggressive “sigh” and what not. We don’t care. You are not special or important because you buy things. lol

Happy Cat

Now that she's home with me I'm brimming full of sunshine. She just so cute, cuddly, and sweet. She has her little toe beans pressing into my tummy as she naps. I'm so glad I adopted her. This was meant to be.

What is fun?

I used to walk around stores and malls, watch films in the movie theatre, sit in cafes drinking coffee and read or write for hours. I used to travel. I used to love the sauna, visit the gym and go to restaurants. I used to hang out at friends houses. Few if any of these things feel safe or wise to do anymore. My friends have moved away. I am left wondering what is fun in my life.

Society's division

I blame university students and recent graduates for all of the flame wars springing up in society now. It wasn't perfect, but society was not on an existential collision course towards civil war or economic break-up until these nut jobs used their social media influence to complain, whine, and cancel everyone they could. What losers. I hope they get their juste dessert.

Carousel

I went to a funeral. There was a non stop presentation of images overhead. The deceased persons travel images: cruises, beaches, drinks in hand, cruises, beaches, more drinks in hand. It made me think about what I want to show at my own funeral. And I don’t want my travel pictures showing in an endless loop. It looked utterly self indulgent and meaningless. We’re here for a short short time. Are we just here to feel good, masturbate, watch life drift by? I want my life to have more meaning. How did I serve the community, how did I care for things, did I make any changes for the greater good. What sacrifices I made for someone else. Did I care about and do anything about others well being. I never had these thoughts before of what my legacy may be. But vacation pictures are not how I want to be remembered by. Strange as it may sound, I don’t want to be remembered for living a life of pleasure.

Decency

I guess it’s too much to ask that people treat each other with a modicum of respect or compassion. After several years of being single after being with a super toxic and abusive woman, I put myself out there online. I was hesitant, I have not had the best of luck with women in this city, but out of loneliness I tried. I wish I had not. I know it’s harder for men online. I know there are reasons for that. But I have super LOW expectations and I’m still shocked at how shitty people can be. I’m not even looking for sex. I would just like to meet good and honest people. But maybe they don’t exist here. I don’t know anymore. About anything.

if you're an honest person

you will never escape your class. you might make more money and dress well now. you might have a nice home. you might have great taste. and the people around you as you move up don't reflect that, not everyone moves up. most are born and remain in the same position and if you change, you might disgrace the class you're from if you so choose to. i remember my mom stopped by my work to say hi to me, my boss didn't say hi to her even though i introduced her to my coworkers. my mom looks worn out and speaks accented english, in a graphic tee and skinny jeans and sneakers that don't match, with a wire cart for groceries. that was one of the last straws that had me leave that shop. it didn't pay much but the owners didn't have to make much, they have their families behind them. it's stuff like that that makes me lose respect instantly. i have a lot of empathy, for rage, for irresponsibility, for flakiness, for the misuse of hurtful words, for ignorance, for alcoholism, for all our flaws, but that sort of behaviour isn't problematic. it's hatred. i've experienced this a lot, my father gets a lot of looks for having one leg. my step-father for being black. i've seen that look from people many times in my life and it fills me with disgust. people look at me now and assume that i must come from some traditional family, middle class at least. if i model or if i own the places i've just been working for. i give off a distinguished impression that wasn't intentional, with a clear voice and tasteful clothes that exude confidence, spare the tee shirts (sometimes). but my family is where i come from and if you can't accept that, you will not have anything to do with me. if asked for my honest opinion, i'll speak of how you looked at my mother. because that's all anyone needs to know to understand who you really are.

Can we all be dishwashers?

I'm sure this will be an unpopular one... I work my ass off 40-50 hrs a week like most people, I have a chip on my shoulder for the wealthy and privileged, and I'm on the side of people trying to make a livable wage. I really am, we shouldn't have so much poverty in a first world country, it's shameful. But if dishwashers and baristas are gonna make upwards of 50K a year, do you realize that absolutely NOBODY is going to want to be hospital manager, industrial electrician or engineer etc for an extra few bucks an hour? I can tell you I sure as hell wouldn't. Wouldn't the world kind of stop turning?

Unpopular opinion....

But why do anti vaxxer protesters or climate change protesters etc, live in a fantasy world & think they can change people's minds or save the world?

I SAW YOU

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SAVAGE LOVE

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