I started a new job. It has been gruelling to say the least: endless tasks, interruptions, competing demands, etc. A coworker, who I never talk to beyond “Good morning”, cornered me at lunch and said “I think you’re looking for a new job. I think you’re gonna quit.” It came out of left field and I responded, “Why are you so interested in my life?” I am wondering if they will try to get me fired or something. I honestly don’t understand office workers, if they are so completely bored as to conjur up imaginary things that their colleagues might do.
I want to give my wrists gills
I'm infatuated, yes. She's off to some isolated artistic hermitage soon for a month...and there's an extra spot available. I could apply. I'm not going to. At first in my head it was all romantic and perfect and animated butterflies and songbirds, we'll be together at the edge of the world, we'll reconnect, I'll get it right this time, but I'm worried she reacts more like Shelley Duvall in The Shining.
I have always been kind of a drifter through life, no clear goals or ambitions, a recent wake up call happened when I learned the job I had for 15 years may be ending soon and I have been sending out resumes. I am in my 50s so the prospect of looking for new work is bad enough but I have come to the realization that I have no "hard" skills. I don't speak another language, don't know how to touch type, can't computer code, have the barest understanding of MS Office and Excel, only vaguely know a few computer programs all of them art related. Back when I was in my 30s friends, who's career paths weren't working out went back to school and learned different skill sets. Since it took until my 40s to pay off my student loans, the idea of going into debt again filled me with dread. On top of that, I'm terrible at networking and I don't play well with others. So yeah, I'm screwed. I'm a few credits away from a BFA, I'm thinking dipping into my savings and going back to school so I can say I accomplished something. however minor. Heed these words people in your 30s and 40s, it's not too late to change paths if things aren't working out for you, don't paint yourself into a corner like I did.
I waited 3 years to return to post secondary studies, pre pandemic I had worked 6 years and amassed multiple awards, bursaries and scholarship funds to pay for my desired niche trade. it was a dream that was stopped cold for COVID. When I finally got back to it in September it was closure, but within a few weeks it was also clear what had returned was severely broken and I withdrew. I had so much self doubt. I was ashamed to tell people because I had been working for this dream for roughly 10 years and to walk away seemed to be on me. The SFU football team being cancelled highlights just how much things have broken. Nobody gives a shit about my plight, but my plight is really no different than theirs. There are millions that will have great adventures this academic year, but there are just as many who will hit dead end walls and broken dreams. The SFU football team is fighting a no win situation, but their loss helps many recognize that things are broken.
Last year felt like everyone I dated was just pandemic rebounding/playing the field or seemed to be wiggy or quick to want to cohabitate out of wherever they were currently co-abitating. This year, it's better. Maybe it's because we can go to a movie theatre and have choice of many movies. sitting wherever we want. Not having a mask in the back pocket at all times, just in case it's needed. Wandering and finding restaurants, not pre phoning in and showing up to a first with a criteria and list. lol.
And controversial, but given the current over population of Canada Geese, I think we could permit a small number of these birds to be hunted for food for charity meals as part of a social program benefitting folks in need.
Age definitely gives you perspective of things that you remember. You see things more clearly as you look back on them with the knowledge and wisdom you’ve gained over the years. I was remembering this girl I worked with when I was 18, about 50 years ago. She was only 15, and she was living with a much older man, (like about 35). At the time we thought she was really cool, but now I realize that she was being taken advantage of by the guy. I had left home at 16 and I thought I knew everything there was to know and that I was just as smart and capable as any adult. How wrong I was! Young people may have the basic intelligence, but they lack the experience that provides wisdom. So they are convinced that older people have nothing to offer them and they ignore advice. Just like us older people did they will have to learn by living. One of the most important things I’ve learned is just how much I don’t know, and how much I still have to learn about life. Being open to taking advice from people who have lived longer than me is still not always easy and I have to remind myself at times to shut up and listen. I guess that’s the wisdom part.
A loved one bought a toaster on Amazon. It was $89.99. It is a cheap flimsy POS and gets very hot. The brand is Cusimax (knock off of Cuisipro). It stinks of burning cheap metal and the fumes do the following to me:
Swollen lymph glands and breasts
Burning eyes, nose, throat and lungs
Clumsiness and confusion
This is just from the stupid thing sitting on a counter! It's even worse intensity when on. I explained fire risk, health issues, etc. They won't return it. They like their cheaply made POS slavery toaster. Why? There are normal toasters with real CSA approval at the store! This toaster might have an unfortunate incident. So many reviews say it stops working after a month, so maybe I'll help it along. I also reported it to the consumer safety web form. I'm sick of this crap being bought instead of properly inspected name brand products.
I never thought I would meet the the man of my dreams. Caring, thoughtful, so wonderful and knows how to treat a lady if you know what I mean !
But I have and I feel like the luckiest woman on the planet. Don't give up ladies your true love is out there too.